*CAUTION* Please be seated. People have collapsed from anticipation while reading this event description.
YOUR BEST DREAM JUST GOT REAL! Progress Festival is THREE DAYS and TWO NIGHTS of camping, music, and art with your NEW BEST FRIENDS, all created and produced by members of your community! OVER 25 BANDS on TWO stages will positively mend and mold the minds of the youth! This year we will have art installations, a Russian bathhouse, a helicopter, YES YOU CAN GO ON A HELICOPTER RIDE, scheduled drum circles around *schway* campfires, Mario Party mini games, environmental speakers, pesticide free farm grown food, yoga, fire spinning, and most importantly NO WORRIES!! YES!!! IT IS ILLEGAL TO WORRY AT THIS EVENT!!
CURRENT LINEUP AND $35 EARLY BIRD TICKETS AVAILABLE at www.progressfestival.com !!!
Q: Is this event mandatory for all ages?
A: YES! We spoke to Zuckerburg last night and he will be REMOVING the “can’t go” and “interested” RSVP options.
Q: Is it illegal to worry at this event?
A: YES!! All worriers will be sent to the “Phun Zone” for rehabilitation: a 1×1′ area blocked off from the rest of the festival, filled with kittens, chickens, bubbles, and adult coloring books.
Q: What types of dreams will Progress Fest bring to life?
A: ONLY YOUR BEST DREAMS!
AND REMEMBER KIDS EXPRESSION IS POWER!!!